Every disabled or neurodivergent person has heard it.
“Just try harder.”
“Get a planner.”
“Make a list.”
“Go to bed earlier.”
“Smile more.”
“Turn off the TV.”
“Just go outside for some fresh air.”
The Just advice.
It’s endless, exhausting, and—most of all—completely misses the point.
These aren’t helpful suggestions. They’re dismissals disguised as encouragement. They erase the complexity of disability and neurodivergence, replacing empathy with overconfidence. And yet, people keep repeating them—because it makes them feel like they’ve solved something that they never had to live through.
🧩 The “Just” Problem
When someone says “just do this”, what they’re really saying is:
“Your problem can’t be that hard—because if it were me, I’d already have fixed it.”
But here’s the truth:
Most of us have already tried all the “simple fixes.”
We’ve tried planners, lists, apps, alarms, timers, reward systems, accountability buddies, morning routines, meditation, sticky notes, post-it walls, and productivity hacks.
And for many of us—especially those with ADHD, autism, chronic pain, or fatigue—those systems don’t work consistently, because our brains and bodies don’t operate on consistency.
One day, a planner might help.
The next day, the planner becomes another source of guilt.
The cycle repeats, and suddenly we’re not “disorganized” or “lazy”—we’re ashamed.
⚙️ The Productivity Trap
In a world obsessed with efficiency, neurodivergent and disabled people often become the unwilling subjects of “optimization.”
We’re told we just need the right app, routine, or subscription box to “fix” our messy lives.
As one person on X (formerly Twitter) joked:
“Hello Fresh — Yay, a fridge full of mushrooms, hundreds of bulbs of garlic, and a cupboard full of unlabeled brown bags of shame.”
That’s the dark humor of it all. The very systems designed to “help” us often create more work—more steps, more pressure, more decisions. Because for many of us, the problem isn’t motivation. It’s capacity.
And no app can automate energy we don’t have.
💭 “Have You Tried Just Trying?”
There’s a cruel irony to the phrase “just try harder.”
Disabled people spend their entire lives trying—trying to move through inaccessible systems, trying to advocate for accommodations, trying to be taken seriously in medical appointments, trying to keep up with a world that runs at double speed.
“Trying” isn’t the issue.
We’ve been trying longer and harder than most people ever will.
The problem is that the world refuses to meet us halfway.
You can’t outwork a staircase when you need a ramp.
You can’t out-plan executive dysfunction.
You can’t out-positive chronic pain.
We need systems designed for us, not just slogans at us.
🧠 What “Trying” Looks Like for Neurodivergent Brains
If you live with ADHD or autism, you know the mental gymnastics of daily life.
-
You can hyperfocus on one project for hours, but forget to eat.
-
You can remember obscure details about a 1999 cartoon, but forget to return a crucial email.
-
You can feel paralyzed by a five-minute task, yet thrive under a crisis deadline.
That’s not a character flaw—it’s neurological reality.
As one person wrote in the thread:
“No one tells you that once you find the right routine for your neurospicy brain, you’ll cry. Because life was harder.”
That’s it. That’s the truth most people miss.
We aren’t broken. We’re just wired differently. And when life finally aligns with that wiring—when we’re supported instead of scolded—the relief is indescribable.
💬 “Just Make Lists” and Other Lies
Let’s be honest: lists can be helpful.
But for some of us, lists are where tasks go to die.
We make them because we want to feel organized.
Then we stare at them, overwhelmed by the mountain we just built.
Every unchecked box whispers, “failure.”
Every new list adds to the pile of pressure.
When people say “just make a list,” they don’t realize that the act of listing can drain all the energy we had to do the thing.
It’s not that we don’t want structure—it’s that the kind of structure that works for neurotypical people often hurts us.
Our brains crave fluidity, flexibility, and tools that adapt to our energy, not the other way around.
😴 “Just Go to Bed Earlier”
This one’s practically a national pastime for advice-givers.
But here’s the catch:
Many disabled people don’t choose their sleep schedules. Pain, anxiety, sensory overload, medication timing, and circadian rhythm disorders all play a part.
Telling someone to “just go to bed earlier” assumes their body obeys simple commands.
For many of us, it doesn’t.
We don’t choose fatigue.
We endure it.
💡 What Actually Helps
Instead of “just try harder,” here’s what helps:
-
Ask before advising.
-
“What’s been hardest for you lately?” opens doors that “Have you tried…” never will.
-
-
Believe people’s experiences.
-
If someone says something doesn’t work for them, believe them. They’ve probably tested it more than you think.
-
-
Offer support, not solutions.
-
“Can I help with one part of this?” is powerful. It acknowledges effort and offers partnership.
-
-
Celebrate small wins.
-
For some, getting out of bed is the victory. Honor that.
-
-
Respect different definitions of success.
-
Productivity isn’t universal. Sometimes surviving the day is the goal.
-
-
Challenge your reflex to fix.
-
Comfort doesn’t come from solving someone’s struggle—it comes from standing beside them in it.
-
🪞 Reflection: It’s Never “Just”
If you take one message from this, let it be this:
It’s never “just.”
It’s not “just” anxiety.
It’s not “just” ADHD.
It’s not “just” fatigue.
It’s not “just” a bad day.
These experiences are complex and layered, and no amount of “just” will make them simple.
We need a world that listens before it lectures—one that sees the invisible labor behind every disabled and neurodivergent person’s “ordinary” day.
🧡 Final Thought
To everyone who’s ever been told to “just try harder” — you’re already doing more than enough.
Your effort is invisible to most, but not to those of us who understand the fight it takes to exist in a world not built for you.
You are not lazy.
You are not broken.
You are living proof that perseverance looks different for everyone.
And that’s something worth celebrating.
💙 Enjoyed this article? Support my writing & advocacy:
📩 Stay Updated
Get new posts delivered to your inbox.
No comments:
Post a Comment
What do you think?